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Some of the best quotes from 1980s movies come from The Goonies. It’s one of the few nostalgic films that never seems to get old for modern audiences, and for millennials, is endlessly quotable. While some fans of the teen adventure movie might think the entire movie should be quoted word-for-word, the best quotes are the ones that stick with the audience long after they’ve sat down to watch the movie again.
The Goonies follows Mikey (Sean Astin), Mouth (Corey Feldman), Data (Ke Huy Quan), and Chunk (Jeff Cohen) as the Goonies search for a lost pirate treasure before their homes are sold to a developer. The adventure sees the friends, along with Mikey’s older brother Brand (Josh Brolin), and teens Andy (Kerri Green) and Stef (Martha Plimpton) as they travel through underground caves and try to outwit a family of criminals to get the treasure first. Along the way, the group has a lot of great one-liners, and Mikey even gets one pretty epic speech.
“…These Are The Rejects.”
Sean Astin As Mikey
When Mikey and his Goonies friends head up to the attic, it’s full of paintings and pieces of local history. According to Mikey, everything his friends find fascinating in his family’s attic are the “rejects” from a museum exhibit his father curated. Chunk notes that the rejects are just like them.
While it’s clear that the Goonies aren’t exactly the most popular kids in town, that’s the first time the movie puts them in that role. What’s great is that the kids recognize that being “the rejects” can still make them pretty cool since they already find all the museum pieces fascinating. Even Brand flips through a book and doesn’t want to put it down.
“Where Are You? You’re In The Clouds, And We Are In A Basement!”
Martha Plimpton As Stef
Stef has a lot of great lines in the movie, but she tends to be overshadowed by all the teen boys. She doesn’t want to be stuck on this adventure, but she’s there for her best friend, even when she tries to be the voice of reason — an Martha Plimpton does a fantastic job at selling her frustration.
While Andy is busy mooning over Brand, Stef is more worried about their current situation. Stef is definitely the voice of the audience at that moment, wanting to get out of a restaurant where possible criminals could return at any time.
“If I Found One-Eyed Willy’s Rich Stuff, I’d Pay All My Dad’s Bills, So Maybe, He Could Get To Sleep At Night…”
Sean Astin As Mikey
When Mikey first finds the map, he and his friends fantasize about just what they would do with the money. While most kids would have dreamed of fancy clothes or cars, Mikey has a more practical fantasy.
He just wants his dad to stop worrying about money. Though the movie is one fast-paced adventure, and is a whole lot of fun, it kicks off because the Goonies live in a neighborhood that is being bought out to make room for a development for the local country club. Luckily, Mikey gets his wish.
“It’s Our Time Down Here.”
Sean Astin As Mikey
At the bottom of the wishing well, the most iconic sequence in the movie takes place. Though Brand, Stef, and Andie aren’t technically Goonies, but older kids swept up in the adventure, it’s in the wishing well that they truly become part of the group. Everyone else wants to get out and take the bucket up to the surface, but Mikey reminds them all that this might be their last chance for a day like this.
How often do kids get to search for a legendary pirate treasure in their hometown? Mikey knows that their parents have to live in the real world, but for one day, they can have the most epic of adventures. This particular speech of his provides a lot of the most memorable Goonies quotes, and it even inspires The Ataris song “So Long, Astoria.”
“I Feel Like I’m Baby-Sitting Except I’m Not Getting Paid.”
Martha Plimpton As Stef
Stef is practical. She gets scared of a fish head on a rake, but she knows that climbing through caverns below seemingly abandoned restaurants is dangerous. Stef can also see that the combined energy of Mouth, Mikey, and Data is the kind that can lead to even more danger.
She’s constantly the one reminding everyone else of the danger they’re in, of the moments where maybe they should make a different decision. It’s no wonder she feels like she’s baby-sitting instead of having fun, and the typical ’80s teenage sass of this line’s delivery has only aged better with time.
“Hey, You Guys!”
John Matuszak As Sloth
Sloth’s yell is one of the most iconic phrases to come out of The Goonies. Sloth’s joyful exclamation isn’t only an echo of Chunk’s, enabling him to fit in and become one of the Goonies, but an expression of his pleasure at becoming a member of the human race, period.
Sloth has been locked away from the world, possibly for most of his life, when he is the kindest, most loving member of the family and truly deserving of a good family who might love him, as Chunk’s family will. “Hey you guys!” is even a line that many people know even if they don’t know any other quotes from the movie.
“I’m Gonna Hit You So Hard!”
Josh Brolin As Brand
It’s still jarring for many movie fans to come to terms with the fact that brawny Brand Walsh has grown up to become both Cable and Thanos, but back when he was still Mikey’s big brother, he’s a pretty great sibling, save for the time he makes a menacing yet comedic threat: “I’m going to hit you so hard that when you wake up, your clothes will be out of style!”
The film has a few lines written like this, giving the kids a cleverness that works well with their ages. In the ’90s there was a surge of TV shows and movies featuring teens with repartee that felt too over-the-top, but Goonies’ wit feels real. What’s more, now it’s known that Brand is portrayed by the young man who would be Thanos, the threat — simplistic as it is — lands ever better comedically.
“Goonies Never Say Die!”
Sean Astin As Mikey
When Mikey reminds Andy that “Goonies never say die,” in his wishing well speech, Andy protests that she’s not a Goonie – before sending her jacket up Troy’s bucket and effectively becoming one right then and there. Mikey is a compelling speaker who leads his motley crew of Goonies pretty well for a kid, and when he tells her that their time is over the moment she chooses Troy’s bucket over the rest of their adventure, it’s a turning point not just for her but the whole group.
They all decide to stay — to pursue the “rich stuff,” even at great personal risk, because they already risk losing everything if they don’t, and it’s their only shot. It’s hard to imagine that anyone in Andy’s position wouldn’t take up Mikey’s, “Goonies never say die” mantra as well.
“I Never Felt So Bad In My Entire Life!”
Jeff Cohen As Chunk
The Fratellis horrified children, particularly when Mama Fratelli threatened to serve the boys their own tongues or to blend Chunk right in the blender. These may have seemed like empty threats, but given how she didn’t hesitate to take out the federal agents, they probably were legitimate dangers for the boys.
That’s why the audience can’t blame Chunk for spilling his guts when he was asked to confess. And confess he did! Chunk’s litany of sins, from cheating on his fourth-grade history test to pigging out at “fat kid camp,” still has the audience in stitches decades later. The best part? The time he made fake puke.
“I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa – and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. And I never felt so bad in my entire life!”
“You Wouldn’t Be Here If It Wasn’t.”
Corey Feldman As Mouth
Mouth is known for living up to his nickname, and some of his lewd humor even withstands the test of time. Take the time Chunk broke Mrs. Walsh’s statue of Michelangelo’s David and Mikey gasped, “Oh, my GOD! That’s my mom’s most favorite piece!” Mouth smirks, “You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t!”
Mouth later makes a joke about Brand having to kiss both Andy and her mom on a date and. Most of his jokes are outrageous but still not as offensive as they could be, or even would be from a similar role in a different film. He manages to ride a thin line in The Goonies without completely crossing it.
“Michael Jackson Didn’t Come Over To My House To Use The Bathroom.”
Jeff Cohen As Chunk
Chunk is best known for his appetite and wardrobe, but he also tells the most amazing stories, which is completely underappreciated by his friends. His stories, from the long list of the worst things he’s ever done to the time gremlins were invading, are usually hilarious. One of his best stories is summed up as such: “Michael Jackson didn’t come over to my house to use the bathroom… but his sister did!”
It’s one of the moments that Chunk tries to prove that he’s not a liar, but his penchant for outlandish tales doesn’t help his case. This line is also more interesting for fans in the know because the set of The Goonies was a popular hangout spot for celebrities while filming. Michael Jackson did actually stop by the set.
“I Love The Dark, But I Hate Nature!”
Jeff Cohen As Chunk
When Chunk tries to psych himself up to run through the dark and save his friends from the Fratellis, he has a lot to say: “I’m not all alone in the dark. I love the dark. I love the dark. But I hate nature! I HATE nature!”
Most fans of a similar age probably can identify with Chunk’s sentiment of wanting the adventure and a story to tell, but needing a bit of a push to actually get the adventure going. Chunk ultimately can’t trick himself as he’s grossed out by the “nature” he has to touch in the way of growth on cave walls and gets caught by the Fratellis anyway.
“I Was Just Trying To Dictate Myself.”
Sean Astin As Mikey
A running joke among the Goonies is how the kids often mispronounce words, which can get told in other movies, but somehow, here, it works. The first one the audience hears is when Mikey is trying to delude himself into thinking he can’t wait to leave his neighborhood. When his big brother asks if he’s for real, Mikey replies, “Nah, I was just trying to delate myself. No, no… You know. Um, uh. Dict, dictate myself.” Brand pauses while working out to correct, “That’s delude yourself, dummy.” Mikey agrees, “That’s what I said!”
Another great line has Data mispronouncing booby traps as “booty traps.” Mikey also pronounces “curator” as “the new assistant curly, or kerney,” and even Ms. Walsh says “Hare Krishna” instead of “Hara-Kiri.” The characters all correct one another, proving that the mistaken words don’t mean that they aren’t intelligent, just that they make mistakes like everyone else.
“The Stupid Guys Tell Me To Use The Stairs!”
Ke Huy Kwan As Data
Data may be the most brilliant of the Goonies, but he’s also unfortunately often the one to suffer the most mishaps, particularly when it comes to one of his inventions failing him. By the time the group gets to the pirate ship, his frustration is palpable, and funny for the audience. At one point, he also falls through some stairs and has a bit of a breakdown, referring to himself in the third person:
“Data’s okay! Data’s quite tired of falling and Data’s tired of skeletons! The stupid guys tell me to use the stairs when Data’s falling!… Use the stairs! Stairs! The stupid guys tell me to use the stairs when Data’s falling. If Data’s hurt, nobody cares anymore… Then some guy tells me I have stupid inventions. I’ve been spending months and months studying on them and inventing them. God!”
“Jerk Alert!”
Corey Feldman As Mouth
From Mouth’s outrageous translation of Mrs. Walsh’s English to Spanish for the new housekeeper, Rosalita, to his order of veal scallopini from Mama Fratelli, then to his attempt to use his mouth to smuggle out rich stuff, Corey Feldman’s character is the most wise-cracking Goonie ever.
Even when he’s flirting with Stef, he says she’s pretty when her “face isn’t screwing it up.” Beyond all of his jokes, he’s even got his own catchphrase in the movie. “Jerk alert!” became a favorite phrase among The Goonies fans, especially when he modified it for adults with “Senior jerk alert!”
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